longlivethequeen:

srsly:

noonish:

“The other day I was trying to get all my friends for dinner and I ended up having to feed them both my blood and my body. One of them betrayed me now I am hung in between two thieves for apparently trying to be King of the Jews. Thanks Dad, FML.”

“Tried to go to the White people highschool today. They were literally all racist and I had to have cops escort me to my classes. FML.”

“Tried to get a job today, was told no Irish need apply and was told to go die from eating nothing but potatoes, if I was lucky. FML”

“Totally won some awesome Nobel prize, can’t really bask in my glory though, remember the pretty blue-green light that those substances gave off in the dark? Turns out they are bad for you. FML”

Re-Blog and add your own.

Today, I discovered the Philippines. Turns out they’re not down with that. I got killed by their leader, Lapu-Lapu. I got killed by a man named after a fish. FML.

Today, I wrote the Constitution of the United States, and in it I specifically said, “All men are created equal.” It’s been over 200 years and they still don’t fucking get it. FML.

253 notes
reblogged from longlivethequeen
originally posted by noonish

  1. yoamezaing reblogged this from longlivethequeen and added:
    haha thats the best one.
  2. apice3 reblogged this from noonish and added:
    Fun fact: The Jesus FML served as my default away message for a two week period this summer.
  3. noonish reblogged this from pele and added:
    Hey! I remember writing this! I thought everything on the internet immediately disappears. Cool that it came back up on...
  4. pele reblogged this from longlivethequeen
  5. thejonschlueter reblogged this from longlivethequeen and added:
    “Today, I told the Pope the truth that the Earth orbits the Sun and the Earth isn’t the center of our solar system. I...
  6. jhwatsons reblogged this from longlivethequeen and added:
    Today, I wrote the Constitution of the United States, and in it I specifically said, “All men are created equal.” It’s...
  7. longlivethequeen reblogged this from srsly
  8. leakysunglasses reblogged this from anxietydigest
  9. pippilangstrump reblogged this from fmylife
  10. jvisperas reblogged this from fmylife
  11. sothishorseright reblogged this from colourofautumn and added:
    Those are too clever. CAn’t make one to top or even equal that.
  12. flypaperairplanes reblogged this from fmylife and added:
    “Got into an all out war. Took way longer than expected, and there were no nucler weapons at all. FML.”